Introduction
Hi friends, welcome to another episode of my random musings on love, relationships and affection.
I have decided that I’ll write about the cat who has taught me what true love is in the free part of this post and wax lyrical about her.
Then, in the section for paid subscribers, I will proceed to overshare about the girls in my life, or rather, who are not in my life, and on the concept of chronic loneliness in modern city life.
I have been invited to pitch an article to a mental health and wellness site on the topic of loneliness, so this might be a draft for a longer post that’ll come in the future.
If you’d like to keep updated on my writing across the myriad of different platforms, feel free to follow me as I update randomly and erratically on my Telegram Broadcast Channel here.
Okay, so back to the cat.
On my one true love
On Instagram yesterday, I saw a monastic who explained that:
“We don’t understand what love really is, and therefore we suffer when we lose.
It’s very important to distinguish between grasping and clinging, and genuine love.
Attachment and clinging says, ‘I love you and I want you to make me happy’.
Genuine love says, ‘I love you and I want you to be happy. If that includes me, that’s good. If it doesn't include me, anyway be well and happy.’
And this is where we go astray. Because we think that the more we grasp, the more we cling, shows how much we care.
The more you grasp and the more you cling, shows how much we care.
But that’s just the ego which is insecure and wants to own.”
- Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo
Well guess what?
A cat demonstrated unconditional love for me yesterday.
I tried to cut her nails for they were too long, it was gonna be a hazard to herself. I only cut 3 before she let out the most pitiful meows and wiggled away.
I thought that was the end of it.
At night, while lying on the couch in the apartment I’m cat-sitting at, the precious girl came over to sit beside me and keep me company.
Then she gently leaned on me.
I was so touched, my heart nearly melted with the simple love she gave.
I think I’ll be very sad when this senior cat finally passes.
Thankfully I still have another day to spend with her.
Will treasure every moment.
On God
If we are truly the Beloved of God, then we should trust that God loves us unconditionally, regardless.
Regardless.
That is a concept hard to grasp for most ordinary Christians.
Most of us think (or at least those in the mainstream evangelical church in Singapore where I spent half my life in) that God’s love is conditional on our behaviour.
Do not sin.
Do not fornicate.
Do not lie.
Sigh.
I think God’s grace is sufficient for us.
The thinking is backwards. The horse before the cart as it were. The thing is, it is God’s goodness that prompts us to do good. Not the guilt-tripping every single evangelical church (I have been to) likes to do.
Anyways.
On queer friendships
I remain most grateful for all the queer friendships developed over the past 5 years.
Joining Free Community Church and meeting my queer Christian buddies was the best thing ever.
Then there is my queer book club I am a co-founder of, and also the lovely queer-affirming Buddhist spiritual friendship group I am with called RainbodhiSG, and other miscellaneous groups I’m a part of, that provide me with the nourishment I need.
I think it is hard for the heterosexual to understand the importance of queer friendship.
Let me attempt to use a metaphor to illustrate.
Have you ever been in a foreign country where you are a minority race?
For a Singaporean Chinese like myself, it is being in, say, Utah or France.
You wander around, feeling alien, eating alien food, attempting to enjoy the scenery.
Then one day, you hear a familiar “CANNOT LAH!”
The distinctive Singlish twang anyone raised on this sunny island can detect a mile away.
You feel a sense of relief. Of comfort. Instinctively you seek the random stranger out and even strike up a conversation with them.
That is how I feel.
An alien race in my home country.
Ah well, things are getting better with the repeal of Section 377A, some may say I’m complaining too much. But really…
I mean, it is honestly sad how the majority of my queer and religious friends, whether Buddhist, Christian, Muslim, or Hindu, feel a need to be closeted. I mean I speak for myself lah.
Dangerous territory.
There is a lot of fear when educated, studied, considered, queer and religious scholars come out and explain the theological nuances behind their change of mind, and then get death threats from their fellow countrymen.
Absolutely lovely stuff.
I guess I am mentally prepared now that I’ve launched the social media channels for my new book project on Instagram and Facebook.
Lol. I expect all hell to break loose once my Indiegogo campaign is launched in mid-March, so I should probably start booking therapy sessions in advance, shouldn’t I?
So fatalistic am I.
Nay, I just see my fellow gay pastors get crucified by their fellow Christians way too many times to be doe-eyed about it.
Okay anyways, moving on.
On the girl who ghosted me
So there was this girl in church…
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